A New Reality

I am caught off guard when people ask me where my husband is.  At parties, other people's weddings, concerts.  I used to answer automatically, back in the days when lying was second nature.  When we used to seamlessly convince people of our happiness.

Is it possible to become un-used to something?  Because now, spitting out the lie about him not being able to make it feels like a shoe that's half a size too small.  Uncomfortable. Painful.  A reminder.

It's incredible how quickly my mindset has gone from 'married' to 'single'. What on earth does that say about me? That being asked about him is a shock to the system?

I AM SINGLE

Hell, I'm dating now.  A little....no-one special. Some flirtation, a glass of wine here and there.  Am I ready? No-one is ever ready for anything.....who said that?

But the other day I woke with the saddest feeling.  A heart pain that started when I was still asleep, emerging reluctantly into reality. One question repeating again and again.

How can it be that we are not us anymore?

A new reality that needs a little wearing in.  

Beyond the Uncomfortable and after the Painful.........

......it might just fit.